Third Culture Kid

“Life full of rich experiences in totally diverse cultures and places, each experience filled with a special vibrancy... And yet, a life in which she always felt a bit like an observer, playing the part for the current scene, but forever watching to see how she was doing.” -Third Culture Kid, by David C Polluck and Ruth E Van Reken.

On my senior trip, a re-entry retreat with many of my missionary kid friends, we studied some of this book, Third Culture Kid. It was given to us as sort of a guide to help us in the transition back to American life. Before I had been skipping to chapters that were relevant to me at the time, such as the chapter on reverse culture shock. But now I am taking the time to thoroughly go through it. I hadn't read more than a page before I felt like I knew the person they were introducing. She was an MK moving back to her host country (the country her parents were missionaries in) after going through college in the States. The quote is something that's said as they tell her story, and it honestly feels like me. It's quite normal to accept that I'll always be a little different when I'm the “gringa” or the “whitie,” but it's another matter entirely when I feel like I should be fitting in where I am. It's easy to be self assured and confident and content when it's obvious that you're a little different. It's much harder when you look like you are the same as everyone else. I'm not whiter, I don't dress that differently, I don't speak a different language. And I was born here. I should fit in. Right? Through reading the TCK book, and going on the retreat I did, I know that I'm experiencing what's called the Hidden Immigrant stage. I look like everyone else, but I think differently. I think radically different compared to what others are thinking. Often I find myself confused by conversations I hear. Honestly, it feels like I'm in a movie. Can the lights and camera turn off now? Where's reality?

I have been very lucky in my transition, because I moved back to my “hometown.” I already knew what church I would be going to, what college I would apply to, friends in my area and, most importantly, where I would live. I have great people who are helping me, supporting me, and a wonderful church who knows me and my family. I'm lucky. But even with all that, it has been very hard. It's rather difficult for me to think of anywhere as home. A few weeks back I was talking with the new youth pastor at my church and a lady he had just introduced me to. As we were talking and I mentioned I was a missionary kid just moved back, I was asked where I thought my home was. And I answered, heaven. Honestly, no place on earth feels like home to me. I only search for a place I can relax, where I feel safe, and where I know I'm not a burden. Then I call it my house. But my home? There's no place on this earth that is my home. I don't prefer one country over the other. I experience glimpses and brief moments when I feel like I'm home at random times in each place I'm at. A familiar smell, sight, or memory. It warms me and I know, heaven will be like that all the time. It makes me so excited to get there!

It has taken me a long time to get to the place of acceptance I am right now, and sometimes I'm not feeling so at peace. A lot of days are still challenges. Most days are still challenges. But I say this stuff, not just to raise awareness of other Mks like me out there, but also to remind myself of its truth.

And the real reason I am writing this is to raise awareness. Think of all the missionaries your church personally supports. Now think of all the missionary organizations there are out there. Hundreds. Hundreds of organizations, with thousands of missionaries. Now assume each missionary family has at least 2 children. At some point, those children will be moving back to their home country. It doesn't matter how long they've been on the field, whether it's been all their life or only a year. Those children, now adults or teens, need a home! Honestly it's such an area of need, and I see no one doing anything about it. Young couples, old couples, with kids or without. I know it's a lot to ask, but please. Image if you were overseas working, and you had to have faith to send your child back alone to start out. They don't have the benefit of a house. They don't have mom or dad around to help them do simple things we don't even think about. Get their license, set up a bank account, go to the doctors, go to the library, get new clothes for their new climate, etc. There are so many things that are necessary to exist. For me personally, I have been blessed in many areas. But I wish there had been someone there, who decided they would adopt me. Who decided they would be my parents, take me to the doctors, to practice driving, to go shopping, to handle money. I've been a missionary kid for over half my life. I'm used to my parents traveling around to raise support. But it's embarrassing to return home, ready to start adulthood and longing for independence, only to discover that I can't. That there are so many things I have to try and work out, and it takes weeks rather than days. I'm not complaining, because I'm getting them done. But I can't help but think about other Mks who aren't... Someday I'd like to start a program in churches across America. Regardless of domination! A program of finding families willing to adopt missionary kids returning home.

I was going to write about how I got into YWAM and how I'm starting the process of leaving in a month to do that program, but this subject has been weighing on my mind lately. So I went with this instead. Still, I thank God for this great opportunity to do DTS and serve with YWAM!