I don't see wealth as having to do with money. It's not fancy cars, big houses, the newest iPad/iPhone/iPod. It's not gadgets that do everything including think for us. This is what wealth is to me. Having a roof over my head. A bed to sleep in. Friends kind enough to take me into their home and treat me as their daughter. To have clothes to keep me warm as the days grow colder. And blankets to snuggle in as the thunder rolls outside tonight... Wealth is having so much more than I need, and much less than I could want. My wants could reach to heaven and above, but they are empty and they hold no value. My needs, are the simple things I've already mentioned. In this world, even in our day and age, it is a privilege to have a room to myself, a bed, clothes, a coat, shoes, and running water. A privilege, a blessing, and a responsibility! I have a responsibility to not be caught up in my own world of comfort, and to remember those who don't have what I've been blessed with. Whether it's down the road or on the other side of the globe.
“For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” Think about that... What is your heart? Your heart is something so precious God sent His own Son to die for it... Though we may reject Him and spit in His face, He was willing to try. To win our hearts. Where is your treasure? Where you spend the majority of your time and money? Truthfully, I spend most of my time on my laptop. And if asked I know I would say, but oh it's for school! Or, I've got to apply for this, or research that, or this is so important to my life! And sure... Maybe it is... But why do I become so defensive? Why do I so quickly try to list all the reasons why it's okay? Because I know that it's not as it should be. I'm not saying it's wrong to do school, or apply for school or scholarships or jobs. All those things are important! But when you spend your whole life doing them... What good do they do? Tell me one thing in your life that has made a difference and made your heart sing. I'm almost 100% certain it wasn't in any of the things we spend so much time doing. It's a rare moment. What should be a series, is a holiday special. One week one summer, a few years ago. When was it? Where was it? Was it close to home or far away? Where is your treasure?
I've given up worrying about wealth in the worldly way. Or I should say, I'm giving it up. Because like all things, it's a daily surrender and not a quick “press here to cleanse your soul.” It's work. If it wasn't, why would we need our time here on earth? Growing up, I thought I had the world. My dad worked hard from sun-up to sun-down. He came home tired and wore out, but we had a house. We had food. We had clothes, even if they were hand-me-downs sometimes. Sure, I can remember seeing commercials for those special toys or places and I'd think, oh! That's for people who live down the road in those new bigger houses! But I didn't think we were poor. I just thought there were 7 of us, and since we had so many we didn't get to have those things. And we weren't poor. We had 2 cars, we had a house, my dad owned his business, we had pets and did 4-H, we even got cable! I can remember that happening because it was special. We got it to so we could watch the Dallas Stars games no matter what channel it came on.
I don't say all this to mean that I'm perfect, or I don't worry about money. Because I do. I worry about it a lot. I'm unemployed, I'm still working on a driver's license (being out of the country slows that process down), and I'm trying to make it in this world. But what gives me hope is to remember all the times I've seen McLintock. Yeah, I mean the John Wayne movie! In it there's a scene when Becky goes out to her father (John Wayne) and he tells why he's only leaving her a little bit of land and not his whole fortune (which was a lot). He said it was because there was something special about going through hardships, particularly when you're a young married couple, and he wouldn't rob her of that experience for all the jewels in the crown. So quite honestly, I'm looking forward to these rough times. I'm expecting hardships and I'm excited to be tested and challenged. Of course I'll be going on my own for now, but that's something I'm okay with. I need to learn how to depend solely on God for my strength and security. Especially with my past of depression and self harm, I need to stand on my own and find my value in the only true Savior. So my wealth, isn't in my bank account. I consider how small it is, and I decline outings with friends because of that. But I bare no ill-will. Because it's just a phase. Money is just a phase. It's a means to an end. And as long as I have a roof, food, clothes, and the Lord, I don't need any more money. What would I do with it? Probably spend it foolishly. So when I start to work, I want it all to go for my trip. I don't need any of it now, I have everything I need. And I know that God will provide for my trip also. Though I doubt and waver, and have to remind myself over and over every day that He is faithful, I trust Him to lead me and prepare the way. Whichever way it is. Whether it's to YWAM in January, or some other unknown trek I've yet to discover.
My wealth is in Him.
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