So, I made it to Texas! After working towards this goal for nearing 4 years, it seems odd that I would be able to pick up and leave it so soon... But Lord willing, that's what I'm hoping to do in January. I still love Texas, and there are no words for how amazing it felt to see that big, open Texan sky today. However I feel drawn away too. To this strange ministry, and an unknown place. I've never felt any calling for overseas missions, on the contrary I often became angry at God for taking me so far away and vowed I'd never become a missionary. It always seemed wrong to me that Americans tried to be “lights in dark places” when their own country was not in shape. Why would a doctor whose daughter is sick go to the neighbors' first?
Perhaps it was this anger and frustration at short term missions that made me vow not to go into overseas missions at all. I've always done things in the extreme, and my vow was no different. How differently God works though... All my life, whenever I say I will never go somewhere, I end up going there! It seems I only cling to the present and refuse to surrender one foot of ground, until finally God was to use others in my life to move me and change me. Not an easy task considering how stubborn I am.
But going to YWAM changed my view of missions. I no longer see it as something that Americans do to look good. I see it as something people truly on fire for God are called to. Not Americans, or Europeans, or Asians, etc. Those who love God. Because when you love and follow God, country and languages do not matter. Only that love and devotion. And having this new view of missions ignited a spark in me. I've always wanted to counsel and try to help those in my own “home” country. And now I realize that my home is nowhere. I have no home. I used to think that was bad thing, it kept me up at night and drove me crazy in my quest for belonging. But now I realize that to have no home is a blessing. I can leave anywhere and not feel too much anguish. And with this acquired ability to leave easily and assimilate anywhere, I have the destination for my calling. Anywhere.
No matter where I am, that is where I am supposed to be. That is where I can help. Helping is not a profound calling. It's the simplest calling there is. Because helping can be anything from a smile, to saving someone's life. Sometimes a smile IS saving someone's life. You never know. The point is, to never underestimate the little things. Because the big things are out of our control, and the little things are the ones that matter most. So what little things are you ignoring today?
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