Patience

Patience: “an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay.”

Patience is something that I like to joke about. If you’re my friend, then you’ve probably heard me quip, “patience is a virtue!” at any annoying or frustrating situation. Although it earns me a sarcastic comment or glare from those dear people, there’s another reason I say it, (more than just to annoy and be that person), and that is to remind myself to be patient. I used to have a huge issue with patience and I couldn’t stand waiting for anything: I wanted it here and I wanted it now. I say “used to have” because I like to think that it is something God has been working on in me and I am improving. For instance...

While we were in Milan (a lot happened in Milan), we did a children’s evening program in a local park. We had puppets, face painting, crafts, etc. It was a lot of fun and it was incredible to be able to minister to all the random parents who were happily surprised to see us! It was a week long program. Every day before we went out, we would gather together to pray and sometimes worship before we went out and tried to share Jesus with those beautiful people. Our last day doing this ministry, we were sitting in a prayer circle when I was distracted and contemplating what on earth would be my next step. As I sat there it was like this email from God popped into my head! I sat up a little straighter and tried to focus on it but all I could see was the subject (“I love you”) the first line (“Dear Grace,”) and the signature (“Love, Abba”). So I sat there, a bit impatient and wanting to see the rest of this decently long email from my Abba. And nothing came... I waited and finally told God, “look! I really need to know what’s in this email because it’s clearly about me and I deserve to know and now I’m curious and You can’t do that to me!” And then a bit of the second line cleared, “When you get back...” And that was it. That was all I got. It was like God was chuckling at me and waiting for me to get the light bulb moment. I did after that second line cleared a little and I suddenly knew that God was talking about Texas, when I got back to Texas after DTS. And then I understood a little bit more, He was asking me to stay in Texas for a little while longer after I got back.

Now, as much as I love Texas and have been working to get back to it since I left when I was 8, I dreaded staying in Texas. I was telling one of my leaders just a few days before how much I really did NOT want to stay in Texas and how I wanted to go and do for Christ after DTS. But seeing that email, my heart started racing and at the same time this big peace came over me about my post-DTS life. I knew I was supposed to trust Him and have patience for however long He called me to stay in Texas. While this was still going through my mind, we transitioned into a time of worship. I got up to walk around and ended up sitting on the ground in front of a painting in the church titled: “Patience.” It was a sloping block that was meant to appear to start before the painting and end after, you couldn’t see the beginning or the end of it but you had a feeling it was incredibly long. Yet all you got to see was this one section of it. And it was like God whispered that to my heart: “Patience, Beloved... patience.”

I didn’t know what to say so I just sat there worshipping and telling my Abba that I would trust Him and do whatever He asked me to do, even if that meant staying in Texas.

Fast forward to now, I have been in Texas for over a month and I am growing almost as much as I did on DTS! I miss my team; our love, familiarity, the safety of knowing we’re in this together. And the basic atmosphere that is a Discipleship Training School, it’s hard to describe. Those people become closer than your family, you walk through every lesson together, you weep together and rejoice together. And so it ‘s a little hard and sad to be going through so many amazing lessons without those beautiful people just down the hall or in the bed next to me. I would happily jump on a plane and return to San Francisco for another 6 months with them! But, there’s also a new strength and a new passion that I’m discovering within myself. After the scheduled classes, the time set aside for worship, intercession, and Bible study by our staff, I am suddenly given back all my time and have the responsibility to do those things myself. At first, I was at a loss and didn’t know what to do with myself. I floundered, I struggled, and I didn’t know how to have a singular Bible study or worship session. Where was my community, my family?

Yesterday I spent a beautiful hour with my new community, my college group at my church. And as I drove home, it was like there was this dialogue in my head:

God: Remember when I told you to be patient when you came back to Texas?
Me: Oh yeah, that was in Milan. That was nice of you!
God: Yes, but this is what I meant.
Me: Huh? Oh! You mean I’ve finished and now I can go on my School of Worship sooner?!
God: ...No. I meant, there are things for you to learn here and to do here. And you’re starting to do them.

And it dawned on me. I have the extreme privilege of being able to volunteer at my church, to make myself completely available to any events or ministries. I get to serve my rather large community that makes up my home church! And sometimes, I even get to share with them. I was asked this morning to be the 9^th grade girls’ leader in my youth group for the semester. I was still sleeping when the text came in, but I came awake when I saw that. At first I wanted to be scared, ha! Me? Be a small group leader? That’s funny... But then a really big peace came over me. And I found myself texting back that it would be awesome. And God again whispered to my heart, “Things for you to learn and do here Daughter...”

And I could only stand in awe of Him. Honestly, I don’t know why of all people I am ever asked to help with events, teach a lesson, or become a small group leader. I don’t know how I got the reputation I apparently have. But I do know that I am incredibly grateful for the opportunity and support my church gives me. Even when it feels like I could get lost in the crowd, there’s always something that happens that reminds me God has a purpose for this stage of my life. This time of patience.


"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." -Jeremiah 29:11