I love my ministry. And it kills me to think of leaving so
soon! Being back in San Francisco this past week has been like being home
again. Walking the familiar streets, going to my favorite little hangouts, and
enjoying the sun while somehow still having to bundle up like it is winter...
Okay, maybe that last part isn’t my favorite. But seeing all the guys I used to
do ministry with again, getting a letter from one of them, and setting up times
to chat with each of them has been so special. What more can a person want?
What more can a Christian want?
To live in a community like this is a rare opportunity; to
be encouraged by everyone around you to follow God and chase after Him harder
and grow deeper in your relationship with Him. Where else can you find this?
There is no lukewarm Christianity here. What’s life like here? Well for one, you
can’t really have stale faith in the Tenderloin. Either you curse God or you
serve Him. Maybe you switch back and forth, but life can be cruel here. It
doesn’t matter if you’re sitting on the sidewalk sniffing crack at 8 am or if
you’ve locked yourself inside your tiny SRO because you can’t stand to see the
world around you; life treats you the same in this neighborhood. The people who
pass through every day on their way to work in their nice clothes with their
special order coffees barely even glance at you. The human waste, dark corners
where drug deals go on 24-7, and left over needles that lay around everywhere
tell a story that reflects the often overcast sky. The neighborhood has a layer
of grime and a grayness that is as permanent as the pot-filled air that wafts
from open doorways.
This neighborhood is beautiful! After the description I just
gave, you may be thinking that I mean a different neighborhood. But I don’t. I
mean the one and only TL, the Tenderloin, the armpit of San Francisco. Just to
be clear, I’ll explain what I mean. When I first came here, my only point of
reference for San Francisco was Full House. The Tenderloin is nothing like Full
House. Moreover, I discovered that it was actually a lot like the ghetto of Honduras
or Jamaica (minus the dirt roads). It took me almost two months to
realize that what I saw everyday wasn’t normal and that most people don’t feel
comfortable in this kind of place. To me, it was just how things are. But
during the first month when I witnessed my teammates shock at the streets
outside it dawned on me that these were things that broke God’s heart. So I
began to pray that God would break my heart over what breaks His and give me
His eyes to see the people that He created laying on the sidewalk. I got those
eyes a few weeks before Outreach and I walked through the neighborhood with
tears welling in my eyes. I saw His beautiful daughters sitting among needles and
standing on street corners while their pimps stood close by to keep a watch on
them. I saw His mighty sons sitting on the sidewalk broken and forced into
cycles that killed their spirit.
And then I looked up. The sky shone with the same beautiful
blue that it shines over Texas! Its majesty sparkled just as cheerfully as it
did in Florida when I visited West Palm Beach. And I realized something. These
streets are not normal and these people are not doomed to this forever. Because
God’s compassion is deeper than the ocean and His faithfulness is higher than
the heavens. So I began praying that He fill me up so I could pour it all out
on these people who He loves so much. I threw myself into encouraging, serving,
find any opportunity to show people how much He values them. And now I call
this place home. I call it my beautiful, familiar, God-given home. And the fact
that when I go to the corner store I have a conversation with the family who
owns it, and when I walk down the streets I’m hailed by fellow volunteers and
guys who visit our Ellis Room, fills my heart to bursting with joy. It’s why
someone who has never been a big crier is suddenly tearing up whenever she
thinks about leaving. It’s why I want to intern back here or at least visit.
Because I can’t imagine leaving the people who I’ve spent hours talking to and
months building relationships with never to see them again; I trust God to look
after them but I sure hope I’m at least a visitor in their future!
DTS has been a great ride but it is only my beginning. God
brought me here for a purpose and I plan on seeking that purpose out until I’m
exhausted, asking God for more strength, and then seeking it all the more! The
journey has only just begun and the road that lays before me harbors many
trials and much pain, but that just makes the trip all the more fun and
challenging... I’ve always loved a good challenge. :)
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