Mondays Are My Favorite Mornings

It’s been a while since I last wrote, and I put it off until now halfway on purpose. This past week has gone by quickly, as do all of the weeks since I’ve been here. Six weeks already! That seems impossible but the calendar agrees so I guess it’s true... I have definitely been growing a lot since I came here, and I only wish that it would never stop! (Wish granted; I have my whole life ahead of me. Haha)

This past week our topic was Cities and it was taught by the director of the base here. He used to live in India and pioneered the missionary work there as well as directing the YWAM base in Chennai, India. It was so cool to hear his stories and perspective as he calls India home and teaches us about the Tenderloin. He came here only 5 years ago and yet the vast history he already knows is astounding. He dove right into the neighborhood and spent his time making himself known and showing people that YWAM cares about the area. So as Uncle Tim taught us, he was using his real experience which was phenomenal. He also gave us a load of statistics on cities around the world regarding size, cultural variances and history. Although that may sound a bit dry, I loved it! I love studying things like this and I almost felt like this week was tailored to me. It was awesome!

It’s quite funny to see the staff urge students to come back and make San Francisco their own mission field in subtle ways... But for me, I’ve been praying about this a lot already. I laugh with the others when the many staff on base tell us “when you come back on staff...” but I also am seriously considering that move. We’ll see; I’m still very early on in my journey and I’m hesitant to say anything concrete. I’ll just keep praying!

Another thing that happened this past week is that the Fall DTS came back from their Outreach Phase in Cambodia and Vietnam. It was so cool to get to hear their stories and their advice as they had just gone through the school I’m in at the moment. As the week progressed along, I was reminded over and over how much YWAM is like a family. I’ve been in four different missions organizations in my 18 years, and YWAM definitely sticks out. The honest, humble way that they follow God’s will is inspiring to me as a student because I see our leadership still putting into practice what they are teaching us to do. There is such transparency here!

Probably my favorite morning of the week is actually Monday morning. Why? Because on Monday morning we have staff worship, and we recently opened up the staff worship to anyone from off the streets who wants to join in. So every Monday morning we gather in the Ellis Room (our drop-in center), starting out with all the staff and students, and begin worship. As the last song ends, I’m always surprised to see how many people have come in to join us. Maybe they’re just trying to get indoors, or they want a safe place to sit down, or they want to use our bathrooms. But we still welcome them.

Sometimes it’s hard to welcome people when they do only want to use the building and they don’t care about God. They come in and they swear and fall asleep as they rest inside in safety. And yet I can’t be angry... I simply can’t. How would I feel if I were on the streets? How grateful would I be to have a safe-haven like the Ellis Room to come to? And then I’m reminded of something that we talked about in church today: the least of these. “Whatever you do for the least of these, you do for Me.” We are called to love and care for our fellow humans, and I see no more practical way of doing than to invite them in on a cold day and give them a safe place to take a nap. Yes, after taking a nap they may go out and buy drugs. Should we throw them out because of that? I think not. Because we can’t expect the outside to change before the inside and to begin work on the inside we must first create an environment where the inside can surface in safety. The Ellis Room is that environment.

I have such a passion for this that I could write for ages on the subject, but I need to go to dinner so I’ll stop now and I’ll just leave you with this. Jesus commanded us to be examples of His love every day. For me, this means stopping on the street and talking to someone who I’d rather just walk by. What does it mean for you?

Another Step In The Right Direction

This week has been a lot easier than last week. Easier because it’s more in my passion and I’ve been waiting for this week since I got here. Our topic this week is Studying the Bible. A lot of it is looking back to the time and culture of when the book was written, who it was written to and what they were going through, and the original meanings of the words. Strangely I never would have said that my passion is the Bible before, but I’m beginning to realize I just love studying it. I love figuring out the context, digging into what the culture was around that time, and I want to know the Hebrew/Greek for every word! Because I’ve noticed how great my thirst is for this type of thing, I’m considering doing a School of Biblical Studies when I’m done with my Discipleship Training School. I also want to study Greek and Hebrew extensively. I’m still praying about this move, and I haven’t looked into locations for the SBS yet, but I’m trusting God to show me His will for this.

On another note, I want to go back briefly to the man I mentioned in my last blog: Ali. We discovered last week that he has a talent for rapping and I finally caught it on video! (Here's a short one: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10150593558998503) He’s got several Christian raps and a ton of other raps that he wrote when he was on the streets. He’s forgotten most of them because as he put it, he’s put that stuff away since he became a Christian. But he made sure to remember his Christian ones, and as he tells us another verse when he remembers one, I can’t stop from smiling. How God must look down and smile on this man! To come from where he’s come from and to be committed to God, leaving his old life behind completely and creating a new one in Christ. This is the stuff of movies... Yet there is a sad inadequacy in the movies on this subject. And not just in the movies, but also in our churches. I just think of how welcome everyone is here in the Ellis Room (drop-in center) and how the Because Justice Matters girls paint the nails of any “woman” who walks through the door just to show them someone cares. That is Jesus’ love.

Many times people have fried their brains and have mental problems, but they can find a friendly word and a safe game of pool in the Ellis Room. Many times women feel dirty and undervalued, but they can become a princess when they get their nails done here. And sometimes those women were once men. But they are not turned away. It’s radical, and I know it’s challenging for those who work in this ministry on base, but Jesus was also radical. How can I explain how rejected these people are? Just imagine them wherever you normal drive by or walk by, and then imagine people driving/walking by just the same as they always do. Not even blinking an eye in their direction. It’s appalling and it breaks my heart. We are all God’s children, no matter what mistakes we’ve made in the past and what we’ll do in the future. Why do we so often think we’re better than the person on the sidewalk simply because we have more? More is not better. Quantity is not quality: God considers our quality equal to theirs.

Last week during Outreach Prep we did a personality test so we could know who we are as a team and work towards becoming a better family. It was no surprise to me that I am an introvert. I believe if I hadn’t been a missionary kid, I would have been even more of an introvert but the responsibility of initiating conversation and ministry fell on me whether I liked it or not. Thankfully I don’t resent stepping out anymore. I actually look forward to it a little! It’s still a big struggle and I’m nervous before each step, but I’m learning to do things anyway. And to recognize when I don’t do them so that I can repent and do them the next opportunity I get. To say I’ve grown while being here is an understatement and I find this atmosphere to be so encouraging and challenging that I never want to leave! I’m praying about where God will take me after this, but let’s just say I have a few hints and it makes me giddy with excitement and anticipation...

May God reveal Himself to you daily!

Challenges

This week has been extremely challenging. If I thought last week was hard, then this week is a centimeter away from impossible! Last week was a walk in the park compared to it. We’re on week #3 now which is Spiritual Warfare (last week was the Character and Nature of God). I assumed that “spiritual warfare” meant explaining demons and ghosts and crap like that. But far from it! Our speaker actually told us the first lecture that there were three parts to spiritual warfare: the mind, sins influence of an ungodly society, and weird stuff. She also told us the main one we would focus on was the mind, and we would only look at “weird stuff” on the last day as a kind of side note so that we sort of know what it looks like. Basically, “weird stuff” isn’t the most important.

So yesterday we had a group session where we let go of things that we hid deep inside of ourselves. We had a 10 minute prayer session before to give us time to search our hearts and let God show us what we needed to surrender. But as soon as our speaker, Dawn, told us what we were doing I knew immediately what I needed to say... And I was terrified. As we went away to pray, I wrestled with God and argued and rebelled. Basically I refused to say that one thing. I told God to show me something else, a smaller thing, and I’d happily say that. But He didn’t... He just kept bringing the same thing to mind. Luckily after I argued and fought with God back and forth all through the session, I was saved by the bell. We had to stop for lunch and this morning we got to pick it back up for those of us who didn’t go yesterday...

All day yesterday I was struggling with this. Even during the session, I felt panicky and wanted to run away because it’s too scary to think of letting this go. Last night I came down to the basement and just blasted music and wrestled with God for over an hour. I wanted to smash my iPod for how clearly He was manipulating the songs that were playing... I’d pray that I couldn’t do it; Reliant K would come on with “never underestimate my Jesus.” I’d pray that I needed strength and I didn’t believe God would hold me up; Rojo came on with “no me soltaras” (Matt Redman, You Never Let Go in English.) I finally gave up... Sort of. At least I was able to share in group without completely falling apart today. Vulnerability is something that I’ve had to learn and it hasn’t been easy. I’ve always prided myself on my strength and independence; it’s very hard letting go of those two defining aspects. But the knowledge that I’ve had this whole day, just that I don’t have to cling to that old belief and be bitter, it’s so liberating! That’s the best word I can think of.

I feel at once regenerated and extremely drained by the struggle this week has been. Last week I wrestled with what I believe that’s from the Bible and that’s from the church. This week it’s been what I believe about myself and a little what I believe about others. Mostly what I believe about myself. But! I’m learning not to listen to the lies I’ve believed for so long and I’m really excited to keep growing throughout my DTS. Today was also a ministry day. For the 3 months that we’re here in San Fran, we’re assigned a ministry here at the base. There’s End Loneliness, Because Justice Matters, and the Ellis Room/Tenderloin Team. I’m on the Ellis Room/Tenderloin Team. I absolutely love my ministry too! Especially Wednesdays because we get to sit in on a Bible study led by a graduate of the 360 program.

His name is Ali. He used to do drugs, live on the streets, and was basically a stereotypical Tenderloin bum. But the 360 program is all about turning lives around, and he’s a great example. I never had any inclination towards homeless ministry or drug recovery programs, or anything even remotely related. But by stretching myself through this ministry opportunity, I’ve grown so much already. It’s amazing to watch these men share about their lives, God, and their victories. And it gives me hope. If I could capture that amazing joy that comes from hearing them recount their past life and how far they’ve come, I’d do it in a heartbeat and send it to everyone I know. But all I can do is write this and try to impress on ya’ll how amazing it is!

I tried writing this entry at least 3 times before, and I finally got it out this time. It’s a little long, but we’ll just say it’s for 2 weeks since I didn’t write last week. I hope ya’ll didn’t get tired reading this and were encouraged by it!