Worship and A Boyfriend

It’s been a while since I last updated. The past two weekends have come around and I always get the same thought: “Oh! I really need to update my blog! I’ll do it after I finish painting/feeding the animals/running this errand/etc.” And obviously, I never get around to it... But unlike my more recent posts which have only been me rambling and sharing what’s on my mind, this post has purpose. A particularly purposeful post! (Yay alliteration!)

This phase of patience after my DTS has been trying at times but God is definitely moving. I know that He is working through my life and the things I am experiencing and going through. And having a job yet having so much free time is giving me lots of time to process and think through the things from my DTS. Although I’m impatient usually, I am content where I am. And I have God’s promise for the future, which is priceless! That future step which I am looking towards is a School of Worship with YWAM. I’m looking at earning my degree with YWAM’s University of the Nations, and while I was in Italy on Outreach God told me that a School of Worship would be my next step. After patience. Patience first.

So while I am enjoying my period of patience and reliance on Him, I’d like to ask for prayer on my next step. The School of Worship which I am praying on attending is in Perth, Australia. Although the title may seem odd, the purpose of the School of Worship is the same as my DTS: to know God and make Him known. But this time, it’s through learning how to integrate worship into every aspect of my life and then in turn teach others to do the same. There's something about worship which draws my heart in. Even at the height of my depression and in the midst of my disbelief and hatred for the Church and missions, I couldn't help but soar to this wonderful place of blissful happiness whenever I worshiped God. And I couldn't stop myself from worshiping every time I went to church; in the past when I didn't trust God, it actually annoyed me! But now, I love my late-night worship sessions with my Abba. I love challenging myself to stand still in churches in America and worship the way we do here. I love coming home and worshiping through sign language, painting, writing, or just sitting on the ground and staring at the sky as I praise Him. I love worship and I can't wait to learn more about it!

As with all YWAM schools, it’s teaching but not all classes. Some people think that if I’m going to Australia I’ll be kicking back and having a grand ol’ time. Although I do expect to enjoy my SOW as much as I loved my DTS, and to enjoy the places I see as I fell in love with San Francisco and enjoyed Italy, my focus is not tourism. I don’t know why God has called me to do a SOW, but I believe it has a purpose in my life and my walk with Him. The first 2 and a half months of my SOW will be spent at the Perth YWAM base and after that my school will travel out to do Outreach, the country/countries we will go to I don’t yet know. I’m still in the admission process for this school, so I would really appreciate prayer that Jesus will lead me in this. Also, although I have a job right now and am saving up for this school, I will not be able to cover all the costs. I will be able to cover my classroom time, Lecture Phase, and probably plane tickets and some of Outreach. But Outreach, 2 and a half months on the mission field in another country, I will need help financially with. Please pray with me on this front. Plus, if I am accepted to the base there are Australian student visas to acquire and things like that. It’s a little daunting, but I’m excited to see what Jesus does! And I’m thankful for this time of rest to store up strength and energy to serve Him on the field again.

Now for my other news! As any of you who follow me on Facebook would perhaps have noticed, I have a boyfriend these days. Excuse me while I giggle and smile like a dork for a few minutes ... Ehem! So yeah, I have a boyfriend. Although if you had asked me in January if I was ever going to get married, I would have replied in the negative. I was going to be a nun! (Minus the convent and various rules that is—I like my short hair!) In January I was convinced that marriage, though okay for some people, was something I did NOT want. God worked heaps in renewing my view of marriage through the two married couples on my DTS (one couple who were my school leaders and the other couple were students). Through walking closely with them for 6 months, God taught me a lot about relationships and Christ in marriage which I didn't know before. And I came out of DTS with more optimism for marriage and less of a poor imagine of it.

As I grew on my DTS, God spoke volumes into my identity; He spoke volumes on that fact that I am and always will be His bride who He absolutely delights in! Now that’s a true reason to be giddy! And I distinctly remember that I was in Milan when He spoke that to me. I was having doubts and was confused about a certain guy (the one I’m currently dating), and so I took it to my Abba. I said, ‘Daddy I don’t know what he’s thinking and I don’t like being so unstable and unsure in my identity. It feels like a rollercoaster because I’m approaching this like my old relationships, but I’m not the old me. I have been made new! So please make the way I view myself and go into all my relationships (not just romantic) reflect more of the new me that You’re creating.’ And God spoke to me. I just re-read my journal entry for that day, May 29^th 2012, and I was in so much pain! I was all weakness and zero strength, and since my surgeries and before I have prided myself on being strong enough to be capable and able on my own. I prided my independence above all else. But I was broken and I saw that—God spoke Isaiah 62:5: “For as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so your God will rejoice over you.” And God kept telling me all the ways I was His bride the rest of Outreach. It was a magical time.

After many months of limited communication, (which shows Ben’s honor and respect in his desire not to impose during my “honeymoon with Jesus” [as DTS is called]), we started talking again when I returned home and was settled a bit. He invited me to visit him up in Ohio and while I was there we had several talks about where we want a relationship to go, where we want our relationship to go, and our commitment to God within our relationship. That was 23 days ago. And since then, God has been amazing! I’ve woken up every day and been blessed by Ben’s presence in my life. He challenges me to grow closer to God and rely more on Him than anyone else, he prays for me and always goes to God with things first. It’s amazing to be in a godly relationship for the first time in my life and experience all the blessings that come with that! Plus, I have living proof that good guys still very much exist. But he’s taken ;)

So that's my life these days. I hope yall have a good week!