Out of My Mind

20 days. It has been 20 days since I graduated from my DTS. One moment it feels like it all happened yesterday and the next moment it feels like it happened decades ago! But I’m used to this feeling as it’s very common when you move often. I was trying to think earlier of whether or not I had ever gone a year without leaving the country since I was 5 or 6. I can’t remember one year that I didn’t leave whatever country I was in for another country, however brief the visit or long the move. That’s a lot of leaving in 18 years.

But while I was discussing why traveling and leaving is great with one of my best friends, she didn’t share my feelings. Even homesickness to me is part of the fun of traveling; I actually like it! But she didn't. And it suddenly dawned on me that this thing that I assumed was normal... It is not normal. Too often when we experience something we turn it into our own definition of normal and are shocked when other people don’t do or behave in the same way. But this is over-looking the diversity in our existence! I want to figure out my quirks and exploit them for the rest of my life; like traveling and my mental issues. Right now I’m going through 2 Corinthians and today was chapter 5. Verse 13 says, “For if we are out of our mind, it is for God; if we have a sound mind, it is for you.” The background is they just got done telling the believers in Corinth some things that God had been using them to do so that those in the church at Corinth who are concerned with outward appearances and statistics might be satisfied. Paul says (verse 12), “we are not commending ourselves to you again, but giving you an opportunity to be proud of us, so that you may have a reply for those who take pride in the outward appearance rather than the heart.” Why would Paul take time to give these people satisfaction that he is doing a good work if he says they’re superficial?

As someone who’s been in the ministry nearly my entire life, and involved in the church for my entire life, I understand that in ministry you have to have results for people to want to keep supporting you. We don’t realize it, but many of the New Testament books are letters and not just any letters; they’re support letters. The Apostles and Paul were missionaries, and just like missionaries today they needed funds. They were on fire for Christ, so much so that they were willing to spend their lives on the road (literally) and go where they were not welcomed to proclaim the Good News. But they didn’t always have, “We saved 14 people in this town, 20 in that town, and 50 in the next!” Yet they still had a “mission board” so to speak at each church who supported them (the Roman church, Corinth, Ephesus, etc) and they did want results. What did results even look like back then? The term “Christian” was only just being used to describe these new religious fanatics and the word actually literally means “little Christ.” It wasn’t a nice term. So how did the Apostles “save” people if they didn’t have the results together, pictures for their supporters, and a whole list of religious jargon to educate these lost people on?

Simple: they lived their lives and taught from their own experiences and revelation. You can’t really describe the things that go on in ministry sometimes. If you’re not present, sometimes you miss how much a person changes. There’s only so many words to describe transformation and none of them are the same as watching a person’s eyes light up for the first time. For years, I’ve struggled with the whole “make yourself look good to supporters and those giving you money or you’ll get cut!” I saw this too far to the extreme in so many churches, which frustrated me, and in so many missionaries, which saddened me. Maybe that’s why I have such a drive to be transparent now. If I could, I would sit down and discuss in detail every aspect that God used the money my supporters sent me to enable me to attend DTS. I would want to do that, just because that’s who I am. But if we are of a sound mind when we talk to men yet out of our minds when we are talking to God, what does that mean for our personal relationship with Him and our relationships with those missionaries we support? I don't have that answer; all I know is in a world of cover-ups, God has called us to transparency.

As most know, I get panic attacks and have anxiety. Sometimes it’s really hard to live with and I wish I could just disappear because honestly, it’s embarrassing to not have control over my own emotions all the time. There’s a vulnerability even in just telling people that you’re having a panic attack or anxiety. I could easily deny that I've ever had that problem before. And it’s a hidden issue. Unlike when I had my surgeries and I couldn’t bend, open doors, or sit down without pillows, there’s no physical giveaway. Throughout my DTS, my episodes got better. I finally had a handle on things and the schedule we had helped to keep me focused and calm. Now that I’m home, I’m learning how to keep that consistency in my own life. It’s hard. My second week back, I started panicking for absolutely no reason. Luckily I wasn’t doing anything so I was able to retreat to my room and sort things out with Jesus. But it was still difficult. And after that, God had some stuff that He brought up during that time that He had to help me work through. And it was so challenging! I wanted to give in, but I kept remembering the many times He came through for me during DTS and all the times I went out on a limb and trusted Him and how He turned things around through it. How could I deny that God ministers to me so much in my weaknesses, in the moments when I lose control and become uncertain of the very ground under my feet? I can't.

So in closing, a quick look at my life. I’m 18, been involved in ministry since before I can remember, in love with traveling, still struggling with depression and anxiety but determined to use that for Him, and still figuring out what it means to be out of my mind for Christ yet have a sound mind. I have being out of my mind down, it’s the sane part I’m working on! Luckily for me, DTS gave me the steps to grounding myself. :) We’ll see how this ride of reverse culture shock, staying sane, and standing still works out...

Home on the Range

So I’m back in Texas. Many plane rides and a couple countries later, I’m back where my life started and where I somehow always end up sojourning before my next adventure... A week ago Thursday I graduated from my Discipleship Training School with YWAM. I can describe it as the single best experience of my life; while at the same time being one of the hardest things I have ever done! That’s a lot of absolutes but I truly mean it. DTS stretched me, pushed me, guided me, confused me at times, but with each step brought me closer to God. As I was thinking about my amazing ride on graduation night, it dawned on me that the catch-line of DTS, “to know God and make Him known”, is so much more than a catch-line. Ministries and churches make up new slogans every day. Whatever is catchy, has a nice ring to it, and will draw people in. But this line, “to know God and make Him known” is truly what happened. How can I describe it? Growing up in the church, I thought I knew every aspect of God because I sang Father Abraham as a kid, went on missions trips as a pre-teen, and lived on the mission field for most of my teen years. What more was there to know?

How could I know that there is so much more to know about God? There’s always more! God is like the never-ending gobstopper from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factor; you can suck on Him all you want but He’ll never get any smaller (metaphorically, since you can’t actually eat God...). But really, as absurd as that sounds, it’s true! So for everyone who helped put me through DTS, prayerfully and financially, thank you! You truly changed my life more than you will ever know.

If you’ve been following me from the beginning, you’ll remember that my story pre-DTS was not that pretty. I was definitely not walking right and my depression caused me daily to not only berate myself but also to harm myself. Not to mention that the will to live was non-existent as far as I was concerned. However God was concerned as well and He had a different plan, so He sent that angel of a YWAMer Missie to pray for me and to get me talking and considering Him again. (Hey Missie! Thanks again J) Finally, I went to Belize to check out the DTS program and there God broke through my walls of isolation and spoke to me. After that while praying about where to go for my DTS, God told me the random city of San Francisco. I was confused, but I applied and went anyways. Once I got there, I fell instantly in love with the city and my neighborhood (as you might have noticed if you read my last post). And over time, it was evident that God knew what He was doing in leading me to YWAM SF. Not all of DTS was easy; I actually struggled through most of it, floundering a lot and still getting depressed often. But I was determined that I had missed something in my life before concerning God and I wanted to learn what that was. So I chased after Him even when I doubted, even when I so desperately did not want to be there that I cut myself again because I still didn't know how to handle things any other way.

Then one dark night, I remember considering going for the knife again when God spoke that one word to me: hope. You have the right to hope and the reason to hope. So instead I went down to the basement, I blasted worship music as loud as I could and I wept in the presence of God. After that night, something changed. I knew somehow that I was not alone, that God was not a distant person keeping tabs on me, but that He was right beside me. Hurting with me and rejoicing with me; He was there through it all. And that knowledge lifted my spirits and gave me the endurance to go the rest of DTS pushing through each new obstacle and challenge that came up. I guess being stubborn finally paid off, because I was determined not to give in this time. And now here I am. Back where everything has always started- Texas. And I’m wondering, what is my next adventure? At this point, there are so many options that I’m having a hard time narrowing things down. (Who wouldn’t? This ‘land of opportunity’ can be frustrating there are so many options! Maybe that’s a third world thing...)

But I do know this. I want to continue to use my life for Him. Wherever He leads me I’ll follow. For now, that’s Texas so I want to throw myself completely into the community I have here and into any ministry that I can here. Why not buy one of those guys who sit on the side of the road at intersections lunch? Or go visit a nursing home? Whatever it is, Texas is my big hot dry oyster right now! (That would be a terrible oyster but it’s a wonderful country.) And for now, that’s enough. I can’t help but dream, that’s in my nature, yet I know there’s a purpose to me being here right now. So I guess it’s time to enjoy the comforts of a first world life for a little while. I can handle that... J

Looking Up and Facing the Challenge

I love my ministry. And it kills me to think of leaving so soon! Being back in San Francisco this past week has been like being home again. Walking the familiar streets, going to my favorite little hangouts, and enjoying the sun while somehow still having to bundle up like it is winter... Okay, maybe that last part isn’t my favorite. But seeing all the guys I used to do ministry with again, getting a letter from one of them, and setting up times to chat with each of them has been so special. What more can a person want? What more can a Christian want?

To live in a community like this is a rare opportunity; to be encouraged by everyone around you to follow God and chase after Him harder and grow deeper in your relationship with Him. Where else can you find this? There is no lukewarm Christianity here. What’s life like here? Well for one, you can’t really have stale faith in the Tenderloin. Either you curse God or you serve Him. Maybe you switch back and forth, but life can be cruel here. It doesn’t matter if you’re sitting on the sidewalk sniffing crack at 8 am or if you’ve locked yourself inside your tiny SRO because you can’t stand to see the world around you; life treats you the same in this neighborhood. The people who pass through every day on their way to work in their nice clothes with their special order coffees barely even glance at you. The human waste, dark corners where drug deals go on 24-7, and left over needles that lay around everywhere tell a story that reflects the often overcast sky. The neighborhood has a layer of grime and a grayness that is as permanent as the pot-filled air that wafts from open doorways.

This neighborhood is beautiful! After the description I just gave, you may be thinking that I mean a different neighborhood. But I don’t. I mean the one and only TL, the Tenderloin, the armpit of San Francisco. Just to be clear, I’ll explain what I mean. When I first came here, my only point of reference for San Francisco was Full House. The Tenderloin is nothing like Full House. Moreover, I discovered that it was actually a lot like the ghetto of Honduras or Jamaica (minus the dirt roads). It took me almost two months to realize that what I saw everyday wasn’t normal and that most people don’t feel comfortable in this kind of place. To me, it was just how things are. But during the first month when I witnessed my teammates shock at the streets outside it dawned on me that these were things that broke God’s heart. So I began to pray that God would break my heart over what breaks His and give me His eyes to see the people that He created laying on the sidewalk. I got those eyes a few weeks before Outreach and I walked through the neighborhood with tears welling in my eyes. I saw His beautiful daughters sitting among needles and standing on street corners while their pimps stood close by to keep a watch on them. I saw His mighty sons sitting on the sidewalk broken and forced into cycles that killed their spirit.

And then I looked up. The sky shone with the same beautiful blue that it shines over Texas! Its majesty sparkled just as cheerfully as it did in Florida when I visited West Palm Beach. And I realized something. These streets are not normal and these people are not doomed to this forever. Because God’s compassion is deeper than the ocean and His faithfulness is higher than the heavens. So I began praying that He fill me up so I could pour it all out on these people who He loves so much. I threw myself into encouraging, serving, find any opportunity to show people how much He values them. And now I call this place home. I call it my beautiful, familiar, God-given home. And the fact that when I go to the corner store I have a conversation with the family who owns it, and when I walk down the streets I’m hailed by fellow volunteers and guys who visit our Ellis Room, fills my heart to bursting with joy. It’s why someone who has never been a big crier is suddenly tearing up whenever she thinks about leaving. It’s why I want to intern back here or at least visit. Because I can’t imagine leaving the people who I’ve spent hours talking to and months building relationships with never to see them again; I trust God to look after them but I sure hope I’m at least a visitor in their future!

DTS has been a great ride but it is only my beginning. God brought me here for a purpose and I plan on seeking that purpose out until I’m exhausted, asking God for more strength, and then seeking it all the more! The journey has only just begun and the road that lays before me harbors many trials and much pain, but that just makes the trip all the more fun and challenging... I’ve always loved a good challenge. :)

A Roman Ministry

Rome. Roma. La bella citta. All of these things are words that could be used to refer to the place I have been the past week. This beautiful city which I don’t even have to describe to people, its fame being well deserved, is where I have had the privilege to minister. It’s been amazing to walk around the Colosseum reading my Bible or go to the Pantheon and walk past because I’ve seen it so often or visit the Trevi and only pause for a moment because my real destination is the best gelato in Rome on a side street past the tourists. I believe I can truly say that I have experienced Italy now, since I have stayed in the quiet south, the business north, and now the historical middle. It is a beautiful country.

Raving aside, the most awesome ministry has happened here in Rome. We were certainly run hard here and had beautifully full days. Our first week we did a variety of ministries from Afghani refugee food distribution to church service in a park to performing skits and prayer walking all throughout Roma. We also went to a neighborhood which we prayed a lot about during Lecture Phase called San Lorenzo. This neighborhood has a particularly dark history and you can feel it as you enter through the ominous arches and huge stone walls. This was the first place hit by bombs when the Allies attacked Roma. Mussolini had assured the people that the Allies would never bomb Roma because of the Vatican so when it happened there was an acute sense of betrayal; ever since San Lorenzo has been the centre for anarchism in the city. Walking around we saw anarchy symbols everywhere and even more graffiti than anywhere else in Roma (which we didn’t think was possible!), finally we gathered in a piazza which was clearly the local place to be at night and sat praying in groups. Even though we weren’t approaching anyone, you could see everywhere in the piazza people noticed that we weren’t smoking or drinking or anything of that sorts and they were extremely confused and curious. Just being there was a witness to them.

Our second week here we went to an old folks home and joined the Grandparents’ and Grandchildren’s Day hosted there every month. The property has very old, grand buildings on it and wonderfully green areas to walk around and rest in. After the games and lunch, I wandered into a little shop that they have there to sell crafts and knickknacks sold that have been made by the residents to raise money to keep the place open. (The materials for these crafts are donated by friends and churches from the States, if you are interested in helping out by sending some buttons or craft materials the likes that are found at Hobby Lobby, please let me know!) Inside the shop I met a little old lady who emigrated from Peru and has been living there for 6 years. At first, I approached her just to say hello because my Italian is still not very good, but when I sat down I was surprised to hear her speaking Spanish and as we talked I discovered that she actually didn’t know any Italian at all! She said that nobody else there spoke Spanish, although there was one other resident who understood and spoke a little. All I could think was how lonely she must be! My thought was proven true when 10 minutes into our conversation she suddenly seemed to realize we were conversing in pure Spanish and hugged me tightly while exclaiming, “Estamos hablando en Español!” (We’re speaking in Spanish!) I walked away feeling so blessed to have had the privilege of being the one to talk with and represent Jesus to her.

Earlier that same day I had the chance to talk with another person from Peru, again in Spanish. But this was a boy about the age of 16 who was greatly interested in this group of young people who went to learn about the Bible and then came all the way to Italy not to see the sights but to serve. He peppered me with questions about our school, YWAM, and what I thought of the experience. At times it was difficult for me to answer, because even in English I have a hard time describing my DTS experience but describing it in Spanish takes even more mental effort. Still, as our conversation wound down, he stood very pensive and was silent for long periods of time as his questions were answered. Eventually I was called away to help with the games but I had the opportunity to see him again twice at the other church serves we attended. Because he jumped right into asking me about my DTS and everything else, I never actually got the chance to ask his name. So I still don’t know it! But I do know that I will continue to pray for him and hope that our conversation will spur him on to seeking God with totally abandon. He has only been in the church for about 3 years and was baptized last year; he could use your prayers as well.

These are merely two of the amazing people that I have met here in Roma. God has always seemed to send people my way on this trip who either only speak Spanish or speak Italian and Spanish but no English, and that has challenged me and grown me in countless ways. I’m forever thankful for these months in Italy and I am eternally grateful for everyone who helped me come on this trip. Thank you. I now return to San Francisco for two weeks of debrief and on the 29^th I fly back to Texas! I’m so excited to return home!

Milan and Ministry Update

Wow. I’d like to take a moment and just think about everything that has happened lately, but since you don’t know I’ll first have to tell you!

So what has happened? The day after I wrote my last post, we had our first English Class in the park with Paola (YWAMer here). The kids were so eager and excited to learn any new words we taught them, and even the way they played spoke of the influence Paola has had in teaching them through games. Throughout all the games, when it was someone’s turn then they got the ball. No question. After watching normal kids play and the bickering and arguing that usually occurs, we were amazed with how well these kids preferred each other! “And he said: ‘I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the Kingdom of heaven.’”...

Last week, we spent every morning prepping and every evening working a kids’ program in a local park similar to a Vacation Bible School. We did puppets, face painting, balloons, songs, crafts- all the good stuff. It was so amazing to hear the parents asking why we were there, why everything was free, and if we would be there tomorrow! I was doing face painting and the kids would line from the moment we got there to the minute we left to get butterflies, Spiderman, flowers, and Batman all over their faces and even arms. A few would keep coming back again and again for just one more and they always left with huge dreamy smiles on their faces. Here in Italy, not many parents play with their children. When you walk past a playground, you’ll see all the kids playing and all the parents waiting for them to finish. But with our crafts, the kids needed help and it was great to see the parents get done and help their children create the various toys we had for them. And you could tell the parents were actually enjoying it! To bring those parents and children closer was well worth the sweat, hours practicing, and mosquito bites.

Sunday we had the morning off to give our moms a call and wish them happy mother’s day, which was much appreciated. We’ve now been on DTS exactly 4 months and sometimes homesickness hits hard. Monday we set off for a local town called Casorate, where there is a church that the two local YWAMers are a part of. A previous DTS also worked closely with the Casorate church. We will be going back to stay for about a week but this was just a two-day trip to clean up the landscape around the church before a gospel concert is held there on Monday. The first morning was a brutal awakening, after so much of children’s programs and prayers, the manual labor was definitely different. It was a nice cool day though, not too hot, and with so many hands we got a lot done. In the afternoon we walked all over town and passed out flyers for the gospel concert and stuck them in hundreds of mailboxes (which isn’t illegal over here). The next morning it was yard work again and with an even cooler day and a resolve to finish well, we got the entire thing done with surprising speed! I’m so proud of team, many of whom aren’t used to working outside, and I’d be willing to subject them to hell week (aka a work team in hot Jamaica building houses!). In the afternoon we cleaned up the church and headed back “home” to the YWAM base in Milan.

Which brings me up to date; today is our off day and it has been mostly catching up with the outside world. Two of my teammates and I also volunteered to clean the church we were working with last week, which allowed me to go out and see this gorgeous day for a few hours. After all the freezing cold spring we felt in Acquaviva (that we were completely unprepared for), it makes us all so grateful for the warm days and sunshine we have here! Some prayer requests I have is for the strength and endurance of my team. With just one month left in Italy and only 2 weeks after that in DTS, people are starting to talk about going home and what their plans are after and everything they want to do at home. I’m excited as well but I hope that my excitement to get home doesn’t take away from my present ministry. Going frequently from one country to another and in between “homes”, I know only too well how much joy it can take from one place by wishing you were in the other... So in that, I just want to ask that yall be praying that we’re able to stay focused and energized for our remaining time! :)

Speaking of going back, it’s hard to believe that time has flown so quickly and I’m even thinking of going back to Texas already! My plans are definitely not set in stone but I’ve been praying very hard about a couple options. Some in Texas and some in other countries; we’ll see which one God sheds more light on. At the moment, I’m not telling too many details to too many people because I really don’t like being fickle and changing plans constantly. At the moment, I will say that my two biggest options are staying in Weatherford or doing a secondary school with YWAM. So I could use prayer for that as well.

Back to our time here, we have two more weeks in Milan and then two weeks in Rome and back to San Francisco for me!

A Closer Look At Italy

It’s been a long time since I’ve written but so much has happened in the meantime! The rest of our stay in Acquaviva was filled with amazing God times. People opened up as we walked around town and prayed for them as we felt led. Before I came here, I never would have thought that any country in Europe needed missionaries. During our prep we heard that Europe is becoming the new “dark continent” spiritually. Now that I’m here, I can attest that this is absolutely 100% true. Just walking around, there is a spiritually heaviness that you can almost taste... The big strong holds here in Milan are depression and loneliness. In a city of over 4.3 million people, that’s kind of hard to believe. But aloneness and loneliness are different things. Because of the spiritual darkness and oppression there is a strong presence of loneliness, which does not need to have solitude to affect a person.

I would especially like to ask for prayer support (continued after we leave), for the YWAMers who are here full time and the other missionaries here in the city. There is a couple (and their children) in particular, local Italians who did their DTS in England, who are standing alone with just two other staff and trying to do ministry in their entire region of the city. Four people, a city of 4.3 million people. And the true believers can be numbered on your hands. To say that Europe needs missionaries is an understatement; to say that Italy needs missionaries is a cry for a help. There is also a couple who have started a church nearby, the wife is Swiss and the husband was born in Spain to missionary parents from Michigan, and they are here raising their family in Italian schools and serving God. The great thing about these two couples is how much they support each other; two different missions organizations, working together for the common good of the Kingdom.

Even if you haven’t been praying for me, I ask that you pray for these two couples. My team is here to support them by manpower, extra prayer support, easing their ministerial burden temporarily, and forging the way in new ministries they want to be starting. We are here to help them as much as possible and encourage them in their work here. To be a missionary in Italy (and in many places in Europe as I understand it), you have to be willing to invest years. Unlike other places where you go in, build a house, teach a bit and see conversions, Italy takes years and years just to start a church. Luigi and Paola, the Italian couple, have grown up here in Milan and been serving God here for years. Keith and Debbie, the Spanish-born and Swiss couple, have lived here for 5 years. Last year they were finally able to open their church. How many missionaries would get burned out and leave before then? God has gifted these people with His determination to see the Kingdom come on earth and the endurance to run the long race. So please, keep these people in your prayers. I promise you that prayers are very powerful.

On the train ride up here to Milan (7 and a half hours, by the way, and we got to see the entire Italian countryside from the sea to the mountains!), I was thinking over everything that God has been doing in my life. Last year around this time, I was still hopeless. A picture perfect rebel, I did everything I could to demonstrate how angry and hurt I was while at the same time pushing any help away. A few months later is when things started to change. But at this time I was still doing drugs, taking pills, and drinking. My attitude was “hell if I care” and my faith was universalism. Nothing mattered, all roads led to the same place, and there was no reason to try. Since YWAM has been involved in my life, hope has gradually returned. A passion has been stirred in me again and I actually use it. There’s growth and lessons learned in a safe environment. I think sometimes we forget how much we need a safe environment to properly heal. For me, I wouldn’t have been able to come as far as I have if I didn’t have that guarding. And still, it’s difficult for me to trust and open up. But the fact is, I try.

I try. How simple is that? Yet last year, there was no energy in me. Half the time when people talked to me, I didn’t even care. It took so much effort to even listen to them and half way through the conversation, I wanted to scream that I didn’t care. When I went to Belize, God started pushing my buttons. God started convicting me of apathy. And since coming to San Francisco, I want to do everything possible to change. If there’s a lesson, I want to learn it. If there’s an opportunity, I want to take it! And I’ve finally learned how to receive correction. I actually welcome it. Instead of being independent as we’re taught to be in Western society, I’m interdependent on God and the community He’s led me to. When I was depressed, I often felt guilty that I wanted just anybody to share everything with but had nobody that I thought I could trust. After all, I’m supposed to be growing into an adult and learning independence right? However since coming to DTS, I’ve learned not only how unbiblical independence is but also how unhealthy it is! And I love the new knowledge.

One last thing, an important lesson (as a former rebel) that I’ve been learning here in Italy is surrender and trust with leadership. I’ve never trusted government (always corrupt, right?) or any kind of leadership, so at first I was bucking at every turn. But there was God, that quite familiar voice in my head that was nudging me to release control. And I’ve experienced how true freedom feels. Not anarchic freedom, but the freedom that comes from a peaceful trust and faith in leadership. And I thank God for the awesome leaders that I have here who have helped make this possible!

Jason, Justine, Bre, Joelle, and Ikaika: you guys are the best!

First Week in Italia!

I’m in Italy! This past week has been a whirlwind of experiences. We left San Francisco at 10 in the morning last Sunday and arrived in Italy around 8 pm Tuesday; about 30 hours of traveling (allowing for time changes). The city we’re in right now is Acquaviva delle Fonti, which means Fountain of the Living Water. We’re working with a local church here and staying in the houses of church members who have graciously given up their homes for us. Italy is not like the movies in most respects, but it reminds me a lot of Honduras. Except that it’s cleaner, more expensive, there’s less people walking, and it’s an ocean away from America...

Our first day here we did prayer walks throughout the city and became familiar with the area we’re in. We also tried to get over jetlag and not fall asleep during the day! On Tuesday and Thursday nights they have church, as well as Sunday, and the people of the church are very welcoming here. The congregation size is under 50 and everybody knows each other well. The real excitement began on Wednesday as we evangelized in the local market by passing out flyers for the church, talking with the sellers in their stands, and passing out balloons to children that passed by. I was also dressed up as a clown (a step of faith for me since I hate clowns because they creep me out)! It was a lot of fun as we engaged with the people around us, trying to speak broken Italian while they tried the little English or Spanish they knew, and everyone walked away smiling! Several venders even blessed us by giving us a free bag of oranges and other fruits as we walked along. One butcher gave us around 8 pounds of sausage! It was delicious :)

As the week has gone on, we’ve become accustomed here pretty well. After evangelizing in our town on Wednesday, we went to Bari (which is the capital of this province) and did the same thing there as we walked around. We tried to target young people because many are not really aware of Jesus, they are only aware of religion which they have been hurt by. We passed out many flyers and talked with a lot of people Thursday, and on Friday we went back to a park there and spent the morning passing out more balloons and talking with as many people as we could. After a while of sitting in the middle of the park, singing songs while a few of the Italians and my team members played guitar, we split up into groups and went around seeing who we could meet. The first group that the 2 Italian church members and I met was a group of 4 young men, college age, hanging out on the park bench. They were actually pretty interested in what we had to say and asked lots of questions as we stood there talking. I didn’t understand all of it so I just stood there praying as hard as I could while my friend talked with them. At the end, they sat there weighing what he said. Finally he asked them if they wanted change and wanted Jesus. And they said yes!

We meet some other really great people as we walked along, and it was encouraging that they were not turned off to us because some of us didn’t speak Italian but rather they tried harder to communicate. Since Spanish is so similar to Italian, a few of the church members who speak little or no English can still communicate with our group as I translate. There’s also a pastor from Mexico who is currently staying with the church here and he is always glad to speak in Spanish again! It’s been so awesome to know that I’m helping others as I translate, which I haven’t done in a long time and I’ve never done in these circumstances.

Church nights here are more of what I was used to back in Honduras. We have a much longer worship time, and everyone gets here early and stays late to talk and socialize. I missed this so much! On Thursday night we had a slightly different sermon though. Because I was the one teaching it! I was extremely nervous and praying the whole time through worship that the Holy Spirit would replace the words that came out of my mouth with His own, because there was no way I had a clue what I was doing. When my leaders told me they prayed about who was teaching and I was clearly the first one, it was both exhilarating and terrifying. I’ve never taught or even thought of teaching before. But early the morning before my leaders told me, I had had a dream where strangely I was teaching. It was a lesson on the disciples and church in Acts, and all the points were laid out in my mind as I saw myself saying them! It was kind of odd and I remember as I was dreaming, I was aware I was dreaming so I started praying and just asked God if sometime in the future I could give that lesson. I was thinking Stateside. But after my leaders told me that dream came to mind again and I knew I was supposed to give that same sermon I had dreamed the next night.

My teaching was perhaps the craziest thing I’ve ever done. Because I’ve never had anything like it happen to me! But I had confirmation from God, and my leaders agreed I should do it, so I did. And even as I feel my actual teaching wasn’t as good as the dream version, everyone said it was amazing. The Holy Spirit came through, as God always does. :) One church member even came up to me afterwards and said that was exactly the message that the church needed to hear and thanked me for giving it. I was dumbstruck because I had no idea what this church needed; I gave the message after only 3 days in the country! But again, I can only attribute it to God. Already I know I will love my experience here in Italy. We will stay in Bari until the 28^th and then we go to Milano. I’m excited to see what else God will do during our time here!